Those who have left continue to live within us

I have learnt that my current situation is a gap in my life which I can open my mind.

Met 2 friends today, one of them has moved back from Hong Kong and through his work and network, seen a lot for himself. He has been practising yoga and mediation for the past 3 months now, in contrast to my 6 weeks. We found some common ground on our path to enlightenment. Unlike what most people think, enlightenment or nirvana is not an abtract concept or ultimate state or condition. In short, we have both been open to similar paths towards wisdom.

Awareness has opened my eyes up to observe people around me. Today, I noticed a family sitting at the next table of a restaurant. An elderly couple and a teenage girl. At first sight, one may think that its a teenage girl and her grandparents. Closer observation would show that it is a couple and their daughter. The couple sat facing me and appeared to be in their 50s. The man had a head of white hair but his face was clearly much younger than his hair suggests. The woman still had black hair and looked her age. The teenage girl was on her cellphone as most teenagers nowadays do, not paying any attention to what her parents had to say.

My occupational disease was to read faces and mannerisms. The man seemed to be the breadwinner of the family while his wife was a homemaker. The man was pretty distinguished in his mannerisms, spoke calmly and slowly, typical someone with a certain level of social accomplishment.

It struck me that this couple probably married late and had their daugther even later. This profile would fit their age differences, couple in their 50s with a teenage daughter. The man could have focused on his business or career earlier in life. He could have met with some unfortunate incident in his early years, like myself. The past did not matter, what matters is the present. I thought to myself, this can be me in 20 years.

I was doing some analytical meditation last night. Many may not have heard of analytical meditation. It is a method developed by The Buddha some 2500 years ago. It involves focusing on a topic, breaking it down, not holding on to any hypothesis or theory but to evaluate a topic as it is.

The topic of my analytical meditation was, "What do I fear the most if I am left divorced and alone for the rest of my life?"

1) Do I fear having no companionship?
2) Do I fear having no children to succeed me?
3) Do I fear dying alone with no one by my side because I do not have a nuclear family?

Questions like these filled my mind.

Then I recalled a client whom met his demise in an accident. I was informed by his wife when she needed help in administering his estate. Their daughter was aboard when the accident happened. The wife was not with him otherwise, she would have met with her demise as well. Come to think of it, their family demographics was very similar to the one I witnessed today.

This example makes me realise that we do not control the circumstances of our departure. If my greatest fear was dying alone, having a family does not ensure that this does not happen. Children make their own choices and may not be with us in our final moments regardless of how much they may want to. I was not there for my grandfather when he took his last breath even though I loved him so much. He passed a week after I came home from my studies in the UK. My mother said that he could have been holding out to see everyone for the last time before he departed. He passed at 101 years old so there was nothing to regret. Fortunately, we had a good last chat before I left for my studies abroad.

On the bright side, those who left us do not actually leave us. A part of them lives within us. My grandfather taught me to be a handyman at home. He taught me stuff like how he dug a well in the old days, knowledge that will be passed on as a novelty in an age of modern utilities. Similarly, even though my wife has left, the knowledge we shared in various aspects of life, such as using a heated spoon to scoop frozen honey from the refrigerator, will always live in me. This is something to rejoice in.