Money can't buy family. Appreciate what we have. Misery loves company.

Money can't buy family

Today someone in our broker chat group posted a screenshot of a person looking for donations on the internet showing that he lost all his savings on the Reddit Gamestop move. The person was on the wrong side of the market and lost $414,000. He claims he is a family man and needs to provide for his family.

One of my friends responded, "Family man works hard and feeds family. Shouldn’t meddle with stocks."
I replied, "My recent situation makes me value family even more. Should not take risks that will jeopardise family. Family is something money cannot buy.
Another friend responded, "True true."

Mr "True true" has been here before. It took him 6 years to get his life back on track and reminded me to take his path.

Appreciate what we have

I was reminded that I need to appreciate what I have. Rinpoche said to appreciate THREE things in life every single day. I have decided that this journal should have ONE section on this appreciation everyday. In 30 days, I shall accumulate 90 things. This time next year, 1095 things to appreciate in life! How wonderful! So here goes,
Today, I appreciate:
1) The cool weather
2) That my clothes smell good due to the detergent my soon-to-be-ex-wife chose
3) Her insistance of having a dryer (I shall leave dryer sheets for another day)

Misery loves company

Another thing I was reminded of (when reading other stuff) is to always have at least ONE positive discussion with our spouse/girlfriend/partner everyday. This reminded me of a practice that I started with her when we were dating. I made the effort to have positive discussions but I was soon overwhelmed by discussing her problems.

Unfortunately for her, life is full of problems. Problems to be discussed, problems to be analysed, problems to be solved, problems to be shared. She loved sharing problems with the perspective that letting it out makes her feel better. That I agreed. However, she dwelled too much on problems that it consumed us. Us and not only her. When I avoided discussing problems go gave it positive twists, she would say that I was invalidating her problems. That I did not care.

In her perspective, one cannot come from a different angle. If one does that, our views are misaligned. We disagree.

Negativity begets more negativity. Soon, I sank into a negative spiral myself. My attempts to avoid negativity was seen as invalidation, ignoring her, not caring. Misery loves company indeed. But this was not healthy. The blame was, of course, on me. It was viewed as what I had done to her, how I responded to her not the other way around.

In short, this is one of the very significant points in the failure of my marriage. This negative mental conditioning began even before we were married and accumulated until a breaking point. It did not help that there were indeed "friends" who would dwell on the negativity together with her. Afterall, misery loves company.

Soon, I became labelled as a problem. Not that I was actually one but because she perceived me as so. I was categorised in the same horrible catergory as womanisers, addicts, abusers and all the other failed husbands. Again, not that I have done any of those things. My greatest flaw was being lazy, complacent, taking her and her kind gestures for granted. I admit, I failed in those areas. I needed to learn, not to be given up upon. Further, I was mixed together with people who have lost their mind to psychopathy and bipolar disorders. Ex-friends who were cut off because of their personal issues.

In her world, it is fair and reasonable to dissociate from anyone who is no longer of value. Her parents do it. Her relatives do it. Even cutting one another off. Brothers and sisters who no longer see value in one another cut one another off. Friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues and the likes, everyone cuts whoever they think is of no value to their life.

She once commented that my mother had brainwashed me into thinking that I must always take care of my younger brother. She saw my brother as an unreliable person. If he got into trouble, he must not be our liability. I thoroughly disagreed but did it silently to avoid conflict.
I do admit that when I was younger, I was jealous that my younger brother always got all the attention. He got whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted while I did not. However, now that I am much older, I appreciate what my mother describes as both sides of her hand. I love my brother and he has been there for me when no one else would.

Yes, I do dissociate with certain people. But not because they do not add value to my life. They chose to leave my life. They disappeared, they avoided me. We cannot find whoever does not want to be found.